Oysters to Charity

Q: Why don't oysters give to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.

Lifelong Dream

For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"

Whale Pardon

Q: What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him?
A: I didn't do it on porpoise!!!