Lisping Midget

A midget with a heavy lisp goes to a horse farm to purchase a horse. The owner of the farm takes him through to look at all of his horses. The owner is really getting pissed off. Finally, the last horse and the midget decided that he really wanted this horse. So he ask the owner if he could lift him up so he could look at the horses eyes. The owner did as the midget asked, and the midget said  "Oh my, thse got very pretty eyez". Then the midget asked if he could lift him up so he could see her teeth, Then the midget said "Oh wow, thse got wonderful teeth." Then the midget asked if he could see her twat. The owner, being very pissed, picked him up, and rammed him in and out of the horse's twat. The midget looked up at the owner and said. "Oh my, yes she does have a very fine twat, but I guess I thoud have asked to see her gallop."

Bug Love

Q: What happened to the two bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.

Library Chickens

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK."
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, so she gives them three books, and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,"Buk Buk BuKKOOK!"
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives the books to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!"
The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and down to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit....Rrredit....Rrredit...."