Fishing License

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," he said.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb cop," the third blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

Top 10 Thanksgiving Comments

10. Reach in and grab the giblets.
9. Whew..... that's one terrific spread!
8. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.
6. Talk about a huge breast!
5. "And he forces his way into the end zone."
4. She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 minutes to hold her down.
3. It's cool whip time!
2. If I don't unbuckle my pants, I'm going to burst.
1. It must be broken 'cause when I push on the top, nothing squirts out.

Talking Monkey

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth."They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing." "They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked. "The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey.