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Sex Jokes
Milking the Cow
A dairy farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer, "Some things you just can't explain." Man, "So what happened that's so horrible?" Farmer, "Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. "Man, "Okay, but that's not so bad, what happened then?" Farmer, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." Man, "And then?" Farmer, "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket." Man, "So, what did you do then?" Farmer, "I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." Man, "So, what did you do?" Farmer, "Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain."
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Mouse Rapist
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife, but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
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Elephant and Poodle
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?
A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.
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