Q: What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?

A: A white one starts off with "Once upon a time..." A black one starts off with, "Yo ass ain't gonna believe dis shit..."

Reverend Smith visits Mrs. Jenkins, one of the elder parishioners in his church. Reverend Smith notices that on top of Mrs. Jenkins' organ sits a bowl which contains a condom floating in water. Befuddled, Reverend Smith asks her to explain this. "Oh, Reverend Smith," she replies, "I found that lying on the street corner, and the package said that if you put it on your organ and keep it wet that it will prevent disease. Frankly, I haven't been sick all year."

I was offered sex today with a 21 year old girl. In exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I'm a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available scented lemon or vanilla.

You might be a redneck if...

• You've ever made change in the offering plate.
• The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
• You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
• You own at least 20 baseball hats.
• You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
• You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
• You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
• When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
• Your screen door has no screen.
• Your biggest ambition in live is to "git that big ole coon. The one that hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..." 

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of this parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.  The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and when questioned by the police was able to lie his way out of it. He also stole money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife,  had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs, had several homosexual affairs, was
 arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister-in-law.  I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.  He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived," said the politician.  "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."