Three Dogs at the Vet
Three dogs were at the vet talking to each other, when they got to the topic of why they were there.
The first dog says, "I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here."
The second dog said, "I peed on my masters $1,000 rug."
The third dog then pipes up and says, "My master is a woman and she likes to clean house in the nude. So today, when she bent over to pick something up, I went for the ride of a life time!"
"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs.
"No," replied the third. "I'm getting my nails clipped."
An Irresolvable Problem
A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt. He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged. "Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist. "No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie style." "Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop." "I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."
Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?
A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!
Asian Pet Store
Q: What's the problem with an Asian pet store?
A: There's always a kitchen in the back!
Ladies Night Out
Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."