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The best jokes and joke writers!

Computer Upgrade

I painted my computer black thinking it would run faster,

but it just stopped working.

Mark Your Calendar

A very important event is going to happen on May the 4th. I'm telling you so early because it's so important. I urge each of you to mark that date on your calendars with the letters BU. It's very important that you include the letter B with the letter U; you may miss the importance of the event without it.

So go now, and mark your calendars. Keep repeating to yourselves as you walk to the calendar, so you don't forget: May the 4th, B with U; May the 4th, B with U....

Brain to Nerves

Q:  How does the brain communicate with the nerves?

A:  With a Cell phone!

Redneck Computer Terms

  • Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.
  • Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.
  • Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.
  • Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
  • Cache - Needed when you go to da store.
  • Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.
  • Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.
  • Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
  • Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
  • Diskette - A female Disco dancer.
  • Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.
  • Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
  • Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
  • Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
  • Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.
  • Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.
  • Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
  • Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
  • Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
  • Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
  • Rom - Where the pope lives.
  • Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
  • Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
  • Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
  • Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

Kirk's Toilet

Q: What did Spock find in Kirk's toilet?

A: The Captain's Log