Marriage Quotes

• All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
• Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.
• Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.
• It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.
• May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.
• May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.
• May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
• Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "Out to lunch - Think it over."
• The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
• There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. -- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia

Business One - Liners 12

Oliver's Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Orben's Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't, constants aren't.
Ozman's Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible
O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
Parkinson's Laws: First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

• Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income.
• Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
• Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
• Fifth Law - If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
• Sixth Law - Action expands to fill the void created by human failure. 

Business One - Liners & Laws

Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop.
Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company, Nowadays it insists on it. - Columnist Russell Baker
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
Barker's Proof: Proofreading is more effective after publication.
Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. - Jules Becker & Co. (Becker goes on to claim that his law permeates industry as well as government, "...once a person has been hired inertia sets in, and the employer would rather settle for the current employee's incompetence and idiosyncrasies than look for a new employee.")
Belle's Constant: The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is about 0.6. - from a 1977 JIR article of the same title by Daniel McIvor and Olsen Belle, in which it is observed that knowledge of this constant is most useful in planning long-range projects. It is based on such things as an analysis of an eight hour workday in which only 4.8 hours are actually spent working (or 0.6 of the time available), with the rest being spent on coffee breaks, bathroom visits, resting, walking, fiddling around, and trying to determine what to do next.
Bennett's Laws of Horticulture: (1) Houses are for people to live in. (2) Gardens are for plants to live in. (3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
Berkeley's Laws: (1) The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to be. (2) Ignorance is no excuse. (3) Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman. (4) Most problems have either many answers or no answer. Only a few problems have a single answer. (5) Most general statements are false, including this one. (6) An exception - test a rule; it never proves it. (7) The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it; it probably isn't right. (8) If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the mistake will be made. (9) Check the answer you have worked out once more - before you tell anybody. - Edmund C. Berkeley