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The best jokes and joke writers!

Never Lend Money

A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings. It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts." She says, "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you." He replies "I would pay you $50 just to see one of them." She thinks for a minute and decides to do it. He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw... I will give you another $50 if you show me both at the same time." She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by." He answers, "Great did he leave the $100 he owed me?"

Nun Attack

A nun tells other nuns about how she was attacked the night before. She explains her escape, "I stopped and pulled my dress up." Shocked, the other nuns ask, "And then what?" "He pulled his pants down," the nun replies, "And then I ran. A nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down."

Vending Machine and Monica Lewinsky

Q: How are a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky alike?

A: They both have a place where you "Insert Bill Here"!

Hellen Keller - Pants

Q: Why did Helen wear skin-tight pants?

A: So her friends could read her lips.

Irish Pick-up Line

You must be from Ireland ... because my baloney pony is Dublin every time I think about you!