Cramming

"Why do you keep reading the Bible everyday?" the teenage girl asked her grandfather. "Well, it's a bit like cramming for your final exam," said Grandpa.

The Cremation

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked. "He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years older than I am." "Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"

Oldest

Dad: "You ask too many questions. Just like your older brother used to."
Me: "But... I'm the oldest."
Dad: "You are now"