Five Minutes To Midnight

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book. The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20." Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes." 

Washington Bar

A black guy, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender asks,"What can I get you , Mr. President ?

Mexican Octopus

Q: What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?
A: I don’t know, but you should see it pick lettuce!