Mistaken Identity

Went to a fancy dress party and everyone was dressed as either a nurse, a doctor or Freddy Krueger. When I made a comment on how unimaginative they all were, I was called "insensitive" and told to leave the hospital burns unit.

Moving on Up

This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

Holiday Nuts

Think I may be getting a vasectomy for Christmas. Just overheard my girlfriend tell her mom she was taking me to see the nutcracker.