Chinese Love

A Chinese man is making love to his wife. He whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!" She gives him a strange look and replies, "You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"

Shamus's Obituary

Shamus opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. Furious, he quickly phoned his best friend Finnegan.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Shamus. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finnegan, "...where ya callin' from?"

Professor of Dirty Jokes

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, "Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?" With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. "Wait, ladies," cried the professor, "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"