Funny Thoughts

I Get No Respect Part 2

  • I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  • My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
  • I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
  • Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said "I don't know kid.. there are so many places they can hide."
  • I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said "On your mark..."
  • On Halloween parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year one kid tried to rip my face off! Now it's different when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.
  • I had a lot of pimples when I was younger. One day I fell asleep in a library; I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.
  • My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Anonymous

Answering Machine - Reach Out

Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.

Anonymous

Fishtank

If a cow poops in a fishtank with no fish in it, is it still a fishtank? Or is it now an entirely different entity?

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Submitted BY: planetzeropk
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