Stone Rx

My husband said his doctor told him that I could suck out his kidney stone. After three days of trying, I think he lied to me.

Toilet Paper

Q: Why did the girl take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because she was a party pooper.

Hero in a Mental Hospital

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office and said, "Kevin, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. But, I'm sorry to tell you that the man you saved later hung himself." "He didn't hang himself," Kevin replied, "I hung him up to dry."