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Sex Jokes - Bestiality Jokes
Some Horny Guy
Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it. Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband's glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN. The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband's glass of water. And that night they have sex. The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before. So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water. A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: "Hello, how's the whole family doing?" The son, who answered the phone, answers: "Well, my Mom's dead, my Sister's pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming, 'Here KITTY KITTY'."
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Threats Used in Dysfunctional Families
"Finish your lima beans or you're not getting any heroin for dessert!"
"If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you."
"If this plexiglass wasn't between us, I'd wash your mouth out with soap, young man."
"Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well? Do You?!"
"Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain't goin' to the prom with ya!"
"Eat your brussel sprouts, or Mommy won't love you anymore."
"Lyle, Erik -- either behave, or go to your suites!"
"If you don't eat your peas, Chelsea, I'll make you stay at the Gingrich's house!"
"Don't make me put you back in the womb!"
"As long as you live under this roof, you're *going* to wear that dress, young man!"
"You just wait til your father gets paroled!"
"Stop crying, Lourdes, or Uncle Dennis will kick you in the groin."
"Young lady, don't make me send you to the Citadel!"
and the Number 1 Threat Used in Dysfunctional Families... "All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!"
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Ladies Night Out
Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
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