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The best jokes and joke writers!

Get Some of This

Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and get's her head stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the other, "This is too good to pass up," gets off his horse, unzips his pants and starts fucking the shit out of this heifer for at least ten minutes. When he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants some of it. His partner replied, "Hell yes, that looks pretty good," climbs down off his horse drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

Three Dogs at the Vet

Three dogs were at the vet talking to each other, when they got to the topic of why they were there.

The first dog says, "I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here."

The second dog said, "I peed on my masters $1,000 rug."

The third dog then pipes up and says, "My master is a woman and she likes to clean house in the nude. So today, when she bent over to pick something up, I went for the ride of a life time!"

"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs.

"No," replied the third. "I'm getting my nails clipped."

Terrorist Garb

Q: Why do terrorists always wear robes?

A: Because goats can hear zippers.

Osama Safe Sex

Q: How does Osama Bin Laden practice safe sex?

A: He marks the camels that kick.

You Might Be A Redneck 37

You might be a redneck if...

  • The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
  • You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
  • You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
  • Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
  • Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
  • Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
  • After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
  • You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
  • You pick up your girlfriend on a bike for the prom.
  • The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.