Dick Owners

Three dicks are talking about what their owners are like. Two of the dicks say their owners are really nice and like to rub them and pat them. The third dick says that his owner is really mean. The two other dicks ask him why, and he explains, "Well, every night my owner puts a raincoat on me, sticks me in a deep dark hole and makes me do pushups untill I throw up."

Steamy Make Out

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"

Born Speechless

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.