Fisherman's Ode

Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road. The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again. The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you were that religious." The other looked at him and said "Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!"

Facts of Life

• Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes, there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
• There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
• Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
• Don't worry about the world ending today...It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)
• Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
• Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
• Drive carefully, It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
• A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
• A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
• Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
• The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.

Shark Week - Bait

One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meetings he decided to go see the beach at Martha's Vineyard. When he arrived he saw a man struggling for his life against a shark. Upon a closer look he realized it was John Boehner. Horrified, he starts to call for help when the presidential speed boat pulls up along side Mr. Boehner, with Barack Obama and Joe Biden on board. Joe Biden leans over and pulls Boehner out. Then Barack and Joe begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats. The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach. The pope says to the men, "I know there has been a lot of strife in this administration, but I can see that you men have mutual respect and would help each other when it really counts. You have my blessings." The pope packs off and drives out of site. Obama asks, "Who was that?" "That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing, in touch with God and leader of the Catholic Church," says Biden. Obama says, "Well that's all neat and fine, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Hows the bait holding up?"