Golf Leprechaun

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball into the woods. When he went to retrieve it, he found that it had hit a small man in green tights. "I'm so sorry!" the man said. "Don't worry about it. Anyway, you caught me. I'm a leprechaun and you have managed to stop me. You get three wishes." "Oh, no, I don't want the wishes. Just as long as you're okay." The leprechaun thought the man was so nice he decided to grant three wishes for him. He gave him unlimited money, terrific health, and a great sex life. The man came back to the golf course the next year and recognized that same leprechaun.
"How're you doing?" asked the leprechaun. "Oh, terrific. Every time I stick my hand in my pocket a 100 dollar bill comes out and I've eaten nothing but Snickers bars for a year and I'm at my ideal weight and can run a mile faster than anyone." "How's your sex life?" asked the leprechaun. "Fantastic! I'm up to twice a week now!" "Twice a week? Why so little? I gave you a great sex life wish!" "Hey, it's not bad for a priest!"

The Greatest Pain of My Life

One day, a man walked into the dentist's office for some dental work. The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?" The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life." The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth will be painful, I suggest a painkiller." The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare." The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller." The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth." The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?" The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life" The dentist then said, "Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?" The man replied, "When I reached the end of the chain."

Pool Table

Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Put your hand down its pocket and tickle its balls!