Lawyer Hunting Regulations

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWYERS: Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200

1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, "entrap", or possess it.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
11. BAG LIMITS (Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)
    1.  Yellow Bellied Sidewinder...........(2)
    2. Two-faced Tort Feasor...............(1)
    3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator.....(4)
    4. Small-breasted Ball Buster..........(3) (Female only)
    5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut.................(2)
    6. Honest Attorney.....................(0) (On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)
    7. Cut-throat..........................(2)
    8. Back-stabbing Whiner................(2)
    9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser............(2)
    10. Silver-tongued Drug Dealer Defender.......($100 BOUNTY)

Bear Hunting

Frank was excited about his new rifle so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it.  A moment later he felt a tap on his shoulder, turned around and saw a big black bear. The black bear said, "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another hunting trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Again, there was tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Moose Hunting

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!"