Man is Lying

Q: How can you tell if a man is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Got Lentils?

Q: What is the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? 
A: I've never had a Lentil on my chest.

That's Happiness

The friends of the bride decided to give the newlyweds a tape recording of the couple making love on their honeymoon night as a gag wedding gift. They accomplished this by hiding a tape recording under the newlywed's bed that evening. Before they gave the recorded tape to her, they played the tape and heard her moaning to her new husband, "That's happiness! That's happiness!" But her voice sounded funny and they discovered that they were playing the tape at the wrong speed. When they slowed the tape down to the correct pitch, they were surprised to hear her shouting at him, "That's a penis?! That's a penis?!"