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Johnny and His Final Exam
Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First the teacher asks, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?" Johnny replies, "Legs." So the teacher asks, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?" "Pockets," Johnny replies. Finally the teacher asks, "And Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?" "Rome," is his answer. With that the teacher turns to the principal and asks, "Well, shall we pass him?" "Better not ask me," the principal says, "I got the first two wrong!"
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Facebook Post
I was offered sex today with a 21 year old girl. In exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I'm a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available scented lemon or vanilla.
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Beautiful Music, Basic Names
A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "Piano Player Wanted," so he goes in to apply. The bartender, who is desperate for a player, asks the man to play him something. The man sits down and plays some of the most beautiful music the bartender's ever heard. "That was amazing" exclaims the bartender. "What was that called?" "That was something I like to call 'A Weasel Ate My Genitals.'" "Oh. You know anything else?" The guy plays another amazingly gorgeous piece. Impressed, the bartender applauds and asks what that one was called. "It's called 'Crap In My Mouth, I Love It.'" "Okay," says the bartender. "You can have the job. Just as long as you don't tell anyone the names of the songs." So the guy begins working nights at the bar, playing to full houses every night, and, true to his word, never revealing the titles of the songs. One night, though, he takes a break to go to the bathroom and forgets to zip up his pants afterwards and his schlong is hanging out. A patron notices and approaches him. "Do you know your pants are unzipped and your thing is hanging out?" "Know it, pal?" says the piano player. "I wrote it!"
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