Louisiana Heritage

A few clues to being a true Louisianan:

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
• You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You know several people who have hit a deer.
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
• You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
• Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
• You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
• You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
• The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
• You think that deer season is a national holiday.
• You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
• You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
• You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
• There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.

Top 5 Ferguson Police Jokes

As reported by the DOJ, these are the top 5 politically incorrect jokes emailed by Ferguson Police:

1. President Barack Obama won't be president for long because, "What black man holds a steady job for four years?"
2. "I be so glad that dis be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all dose payments!"
3. "An African-American woman in New Orleans was admitted into the hospital for a pregnancy termination. Two weeks later she received a check for $5,000. She phoned the hospital to ask who it was from. The hospital said, 'Crime Stoppers.'
4. A man wanted to obtain "welfare" for his dogs because they are, "Mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are."
5. Photo of a bare-chested group of dancing women, apparently in Africa, with the caption, "Michelle Obama's High School Reunion."

Three Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery

Q: Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A: 3 dollars a year for a million years.