The Right Rhythm
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
Yo Mama - Birth Certificate
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it!
An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Bob Evans again."
Yo Mama - Moses
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Keep the Motor Running
It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"