Old Age Jokes

Challenge Jar

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money." "What are the three tests?" asks the man. "Gotta pay first." So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar. "OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her." "Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!" The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve. "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs. He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence. Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body. "NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"

Categories: Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes) , Old Age Jokes (Old Age Sex Jokes)
Anonymous

Fourth Marriage

An eighty year old woman was getting married for the fourth time. A newspaper was interviewing her about her previous marriages. She said she got married the first time when she was twenty to a banker. Then, in her forties she married a three ring circus leader. Then she married a preacher. And now she's marring a funeral home director.  The lady replied, when I look back at my previous marriages, I see one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Categories: Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Old Age Jokes , Word Play Jokes
Anonymous

Easy Specimens

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home. At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples.The wife looks aghast and then realization spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features.
"That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

Categories: Old Age Jokes , Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes)
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Anonymous
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