I'd Love To But... (Pt III)
More goofy excuses you can use to get out of going somewhere you just don't wanna go to. I'D LOVE TO BUT:
- I have to go to court for kitty littering.
- I have to jog my memory.
- I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
- I have to rotate my crops.
- I have to sit up with a sick ant.
- I have to stay home and see if I snore.
- I have to study for a blood test.
- I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
- I prefer to remain an enigma.
- I think you want the OTHER (fill in your name here).
- I'm going to be old someday.
- I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
- I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
- I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
- I'm trying to cut down.
- I'm up to my eardrums in waxy buildup.
- I've been traded to Cincinnati.
- My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
- Mmy favorite commercial is on TV.
- My uncle escaped... again.
- Oooo, having fun gives me prickly heat.
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"
Apple iWatch Pro
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his new iWatch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I work for Apple and I'm testing the new iWatch Pro." The intrigued woman says, "iWatch Pro? What's so special about it?" "It has new sensors and sends messages to me through my wrist" he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.