Divorced and Board

These two guys had each recently divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.  As soon as they arrived, they went into a trader's store and told the owner, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. Curiously, they asked,  "What's that board for?".  The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."  They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year".   "Okay", they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?".  "Yeah", said the guy.  "Where is he?", asked the trader.  "I shot him", said the guy.  "Why?", the owner asked quickly.  "I caught him in bed with my board."

Leaving Early

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"

Muscle Contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.  This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.  He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,  "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably golfing with his buddies."
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.