Almost Celibate

"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend. "She broke down and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year?"

Let Me See

A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30. He is persuaded to have a medical exam first. "Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm sexually fit," he says to the doctor. "Okay," says the medic, "let me see your sex organs." So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.