Great News

This 55- year- old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous; what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just got the results of my annual physical and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 55-year-old ass?" She says, "Your name never came up!"

Element : Man

Element: Man Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4inches.
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties :

1. Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. 
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
3. Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). 
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. 
5. Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz).
6. Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
7. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
8. Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
9. Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
10. When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied

Chemical properties :

1. All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible. 
2. May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions. 
3. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo. 
4. Usually willing to react with whatever is available. 
5. Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red. 
6. Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.)
7. When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements. 
8. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
9. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. 
10. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

Storage :
  Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.
Uses :

1. Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo... 
2. Can be used in recreational activities.

Tests :
 Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
Caution : 
Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.

Spicy 50th Honeymoon

For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when they arrive. The husband says, "I'll just nip around by their window and see what they are doing. We can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!" Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member. After a few minutes of this, they rush together and make mad tumultuous love like crazed weasels. The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more aroused herself. "Darling, this is going to be so good," she says, "Run right out and get some grapefruit and Lifesavers!"