Ant-Elope

Q: Why did the ant-elope?
A: Nobody gnu!

Luke Skywalker To His Girlfriend

Q: What did Luke Skywalker say to his girlfriend?
A: This is Red 5, I'm going in.

Snoring Solutions

This lady goes to a vet and learns that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's penis he'll roll over and stop snoring.
The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped. Later on that night her husband is snoring and so she goes to the kitchen and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's penis, and he stops snoring. The next morning her husband wakes up and looks at his dog and looks down at himself. "I don't know what happened last night, but it appears we came in first and second."