Male Anatomy

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen. "What can I help you with?'' he asked. ''Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?'' ''Ma'am,'' he answered, ''that there is called a penis.'' ''I see,'' she said. ''Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?'' ''Why that there is called the head of the penis.'' ''I do declare!'' exclaimed the young woman. ''One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?'' ''I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!''

Men Are Like 2

Men are like

• ...Place-mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
• ...Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
• ...Bike helmets. They're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.
• ...Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
• ...Copiers. You need them in reproduction but that's about it.
• ...Lava lamps. Fun to look at it but not all that bright.
• ...Bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
• ...High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
• ...Curling irons. They're always hot and always in your hair.
• ...Mini skirts. If your not careful they'll creep up your legs.
• ...Handguns. Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
• ...Floor tiles. Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.
• ...Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
• ...Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

Wife Woes

My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday.
That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday!