Memory Problems

Patient: "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!"
Doctor: "Since when did you have this problem?"
Patient: "What problem?
Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?"
Patient: "What pills?"

Trophy Wife

Bob a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful looks and charm. She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies. " What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

Partial Dosage

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said  "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces." The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good." The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."