Little Red's Granny

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!'' Grandma replied ''the better to see you with, my dear.'' Little Red Riding Hood told her "Grandma, what big ears you have!'' Grandma replied "the better to hear you with, my dear.'' Little Red Riding Hood told her "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!'' Grandma replied ''of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's dick?!"

Best Man

Look the bride in the eye and ask, "If I'm the best man, how come you're marrying HIM???"

Bookstore Blues

I went to Barnes & Noble this morning and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was.
She said that if she told me it would defeat the purpose!