The Promotion

Boss: "Johnson, we're giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal."
Johnson: "Montreal! Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!"
Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!
Johnson: Without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position does she play?"

Black Canadian

Q: How come the Black population of Windsor Ontario never changes?
A: Because when the baby is born the father moves back to Detroit.

Course Change

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.  Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.
Americans:  Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians:  Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans:  This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians:  No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans:  THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.  WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.  I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse.  Your call.