Funny Thoughts

Die Peacefully

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Categories: Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Grandfather Jokes) , Funny Thoughts
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Anonymous

Obama Time

Michelle Obama dies and goes to heaven, and she's in the waiting room to see Jesus.
There are clocks everywhere, not a single square inch of wall or ceiling doesn't have a timepiece. Some of them don't seem to be moving. St. Peter comes out and calls her name.
"I'm here" she says. "What's with all the clocks?".
St. Peter says "Everyone who has ever lived has a clock here. Every time they tell a lie, their clock moves forward by one minute. This is George Washington's clock. As you can see, it's one past midnight, so he only told one lie."
"Oh" Michelle said. "Where's my husband's clock?"
"That's in Jesus' office" St. Peter replies. "He uses that as a fan".

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Political Jokes (About Democrats) , Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes)
Anonymous

DNR

A husband and wife were sitting at home when the husband suddenly said, "Honey, just so you know, I never want to be kept alive in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So the wife got up, pulled the plug on the T.V. and threw out all of his beer.

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Word Play Jokes , Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Beer Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man)
Submitted BY: kaiofthelexx1
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