A Cultural Comparison

• Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
• Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
• Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
• Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
• Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
• Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
• Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
• Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
• Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer
• Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness
• Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
• Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
• Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
• Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
• Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
• Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
• Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
• Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
• Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball
• Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.
• Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
• Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
• Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
• Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool.
• Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
• Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
• Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
• Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
• Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.
• Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer.
• Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer.
• Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
• Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
• Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
• Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
• Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Polish Eyes

A polish man goes to the eye doctor and looks at the chart - P Z C R K I C H. The doctor asks, "Can you see them?"
The man says, "See them? That's his cousin."

The Polish Navy

Q: Why does the Polish Navy have glass-bottomed boats?
A: So they can see the old Polish Navy.