Profession Jokes - Politician Jokes
Definition of a Lawyer
Q: What's the definition of lawyer?
A: The larval form of a politician.
Who's In Charge?
Try to imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
- 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
- 7 have been arrested for fraud
- 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
- 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
- 3 have done time for assault
- 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
- 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
- 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
- 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
- 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is? It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road after a mid-term election party, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and yelled, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You can't do this to me, I'm a United States Congressman!" The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"
Politician and Screwdriver
Q: What's the difference between a politician and a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, while politicians screw interns.