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Bar Jokes
Infinite Mathematicians in a Bar
An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "Ok, I get it!" and pours two pints.
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Date Getting Hit On
A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for the evening. When they arrive, the man realizes he has to pee, so he goes into the bathroom and does his business. When he comes back, he sees a man conversing with his date. His date looks intimidated, so he weaves his way through the tables to her, but by the time he gets there, the man is walking away. He looks at his girlfriend and asks, "What did that guy want?" She looks at him and says, "He said he was going to fill up my pussy with ice cream and eat it all up!" The man grows pale and grabs her arm and says, "Come on, let's get out of here." She looks surprised and asks, "Aren't you going to defend me?" And he says, "Sweetie, anyone who can eat that much ice cream must be a god!"
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Alligator Trick
A guy walks into a bar with a 10 foot long alligator. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that animal outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'll get sued." The guy says, "No no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth, zips up his pants, and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
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