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Bar Jokes
Yapucha Dance
A man was sitting at a bar in London, and ordered a drink. "So, who are you?", asked the bartender. "I'm a danceologist. I've studied every dance in the entirety of Europe". "Even the Wingo Wango?" "Mhm", he replied. "Even the Yapucha dance?", he asked.
"Wait, I've never heard of that one! Can you tell me about it?" The bartender shook his head. "I can't, but my cousin lives in Switzerland. Here's his address. The bartender handed him a business card. The danceologist thanked him, and booked a flight there. When he arrived at the airport, the cousin greeted the danceologist, and took him home.
"Every year on the 12th of May they do the dance. You see that mountain up there? They live on top. They'll be doing it in 2 weeks. The danceologist looked at the mountain in awe. Two weeks later, there was a heavy storm. Jagged rocks and the icy winds battered him. He didn't bring any oxygen, and so he felt too out of breath, and took a rest. Later, he carried on for one last push, and reached the top, where he met the tribe.
"Aha! Is this where the Yapucha dance is?", exclaimed the danceologist."Yes, you're just in time," laughed the chief. "Are we all ready?"
The other tribesmen got into a circle and nodded. The danceologist watched intently.
"Yapucha left foot in..."
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Ladies Night Out
Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
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Tough Mice
There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the table and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start off each day." The mice look at each other.
The second mouse slams his whiskey --throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet -- then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine."
The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says..."I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and screw the cat!"
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