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Bar Jokes
The Hunter
A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him. He dismounts and comes walking into the bar where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around with his dog sniffing ever table, chair and small corner of the bar. After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he's doing. And the guy replies "I'm hunting you idiot ... can't you see that!" "OK, OK .." says the barman, "Would you like a drink while you hunt ?".Immediately the hunter says, " Do you have any cheap Gin!?". Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies, "No I'm sorry I'm all out of the cheap stuff, is there anything else you'd like ? "."No" says the hunter and he starts to leave. As he reaches the door the barman calls after him, "By the way pal... exactly what do you hunt?" " I hunt for cheap gin you bumbling idiot! Couldn't you tell that . I'm a BarGIN Hunter!"
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Ladies Night Out
Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
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The Duck in the Bar
A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender. The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.
The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes."
"Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."
The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down.
"Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"
The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!" The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you get?!"
"Got any nails?"
"OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?"
"Good, got any grapes?"
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