Been Messin' With The Waitress

The boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!" "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, in that case then, YOU fire her!"

Penguin In A Bar

A penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?"

Infinite Mathematicians in a Bar

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "Ok, I get it!" and pours two pints.