Wishing for Wine

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke. "I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine. "I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish." "Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass. "Why only one glass?" asked her wife. "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

Bear In A Bar

A bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll have a pint of beer and a .............................. packet of peanuts."

The bartender said, "Why the big paws?"

9 Signs Santa Has Been Drinking

1. While your child is on his lap, he tells them they're not getting his Bud Light.
2. You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathalyzer.
3. Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack Daniels does!
4. You don't remember getting a request for venison in your stocking.
5. Betty Ford releases him on December 24th.
6. After each child, he has a Jello Shot.
7. This year the sleigh is being pulled by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull.
8. He jumps down a manhole and then gets angry when he can't find the tree.
9. Instead of going Onward, Dancer and Prancer...he just grumbles and says "Awww...just get going!"