Alcohol Jokes

Wishing for Wine

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke. "I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine. "I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish." "Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass. "Why only one glass?" asked her wife. "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

Categories: Genie Jokes , Alcohol Jokes (Wine Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Oral Sex Jokes)
Anonymous

A Real Woman

A real woman is a man's best friend.  She will never stand him up and never let him down.  She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.  She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.  She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.  She will make sure he always feels as thought he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible....
No wait....SORRY.  I was thinking of whiskey.  It's whiskey that does all that shit.  Never mind....

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Alcohol Jokes (Whiskey Jokes)
Anonymous

Bear In A Bar

A bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll have a pint of beer and a .............................. packet of peanuts."

The bartender said, "Why the big paws?"

Categories: Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Bar Jokes (Animal in Bar Jokes) , Animal Jokes , Alcohol Jokes (Beer Jokes) , Word Play Jokes , Riddles
Anonymous
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