Word Play Jokes

Drugged Duck

Q: What drug was the duck on?
A: Qwack!

Anonymous

The Italian

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma ma b*tch.Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy an atell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH! Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonnama b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch. So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet. So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know manana he call me sonna ma b*tch! I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Questions That Confuse Humankind

  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
  • Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt"?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
  • Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
  • Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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