Does She Have PMS?

How you tell if a woman has PMS?
She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.
She retains more water than Lake Superior.
She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one.
She buys you a new T-shirt-----with a bulls-eye on the front.
You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says, "All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?
She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.

Confucius?

Old maids count on fingers, but young girls count on legs.

Tampon Talk

Q: What did one tampon say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.