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Sex Jokes
Blimp Or Blow Job?
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
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Kinky
There's this young couple, Louise and Al, they've been married for about a year, and the bride isn't getting any sex. Just about every night hubby comes home, has a shower, gets changed and goes down to the pub. She's getting increasingly rampant as the days go on, but each night she is disappointed. Al comes home every night completely hammered and unfit for sexual activity.
One particular night when Al gets in from work, Louise is seated provocatively on the sofa, wearing the skimpiest dress she has, suspenders, stockings, and very sexy lace panties and bra. As is always the case, Al comes home runs upstairs, gets ready and goes to the pub. Once again Louise is rejected, so she sits back with a bottle of wine to console herself.
Then at 11 pm (well before normal) she hears Al coming up the driveway and opening the front door. Louise re-adopts her sexually provocative pose on the sofa and to her surprise, Al's first words are, "Right woman, get upstairs - into the bedroom."
"YES!" she says under her breath as she runs upstairs, "This is the night, I'm gonna get some!" When Louise reaches the bedroom, she removes her outer garments and sits on the edge of the bed in her black lace panties - ready for Al, as he stomps up the stairs.
As Al pushes the bedroom door open he says, "Right, now get your clothes off!"Louise doesn't need telling twice, it's off with everything. "Now get over in front of the mirror..,"
"Kinky!" she thinks. "Great!"
"and do a handstand..."
"Oh god, I've been waiting for this for ages," thinks Louise... Al walks over to Louise, parts her legs and places his chin in her crotch... "Perhaps the guys at the bar were right, a beard would suit me!"
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Get Rich Quick
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose-plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand; the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
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