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Sex Jokes
Girl's School
The biology teacher at the all-girls academy was handing back a test on the male anatomy. "I don't understand why you girls can't understand the male sex organ. You've had it pounded into you all semester!"
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Duck Farmer
There was a duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A DUCK?!?" It sure is he replied, and its for sale too! She said that she collected ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hitting on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesn't have any money, just this duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So they go in the back and had passionate sex. When they were done, the lady said she didn't want the duck anymore. He said he would gladly take the duck back if he could fuck her again, so they went at it again. The guy was pretty happy by now so he runs on home, he ran so fast that the duck got away from him and ran out in front of a car and got hit. The duck was clearly dead, so the lady being in the hurry that she was, gave the young man $25 compensation for the dead duck, then she sped off in her car. When the two finally got home, the father once again called them into a room and said, "How much did you make," looking at his "good" son. The "good" son said $10, with a modest look on his face. Then the dad glared at his other son and said, "How about you?" The bad son said, "well... I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up duck!"
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That Time Again
A highway patrolman wanted to set up a speed trap one day. He got up on a hill behind a big billboard and sat. He was there for about ten minutes with no radar action. Finally a car came by doing 85 M.P.H. He put on the blue light and pulled the car over. He said, "Sir, do realize you were doing 85 MPH?" The driver said "Yeah, but ya' see, it's that time of the month for the Mrs. and I gotta get her some tampons." The officer was sympathetic. He just said, "How about slowing it down." So the guy sped off. A few minutes later, another car came by running 85 MPH The officer gave him the blue light to. Again, the same scenario. The officer said "Sir, do you realize you were doing 85 MPH?" The guy had the same story. "Yes sir, but you see, it's that time of the month for the wife and I gotta get her some tampons." This pissed the officer off but he couldn't give this guy a ticket and not the last one. He said, "Just slow it down." No sooner than he got back up in his speed trap, here comes another guy doing 95 mph. The officer put the blue light on, pulled him over and walked up to the window. He looked at the guy and said, "Dammit, don't tell me it's that time of the month for your wife too!" The guy responded, "No sir, that's just barbecue sauce."
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