Abstinence

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
 

A Short History of Medicine

A Short History of Medicine!
have an ear ache...
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Crazy Nun

One day a little old nun was driving 35 miles an hour down the highway.  A cop pulls her over because she was so slow and asked her why she wasn't going faster.  She points at a sign by the side of the road that said highway 35 on it, saying she thought that was the speed limit. The cop laughs and tells her that it was highway number 35.  
Then looking in the back seat, the cop notices two nuns looking very frightened.  He asks them what was wrong and they said, "We just got off highway 130!"