God's Creation

Q: What is the best thing God ever created?
A: The vagina.
Q What was the worst thing God ever did?
A Put women in charge of them.

Red Phone

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk. "What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope. The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?" The Pope answered, "$2,000 per minute." A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk. "What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister. The visitor asked "How much is a call?" The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute." The astonished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute." The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."

Perspective

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through hallways on a gurney by two nurses. "Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest. "No" says one of the nurses, "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."