Church Announcement Bloopers

1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help.
2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of Robert Joseph Granier, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Mildred Granier.
6. This afternoon there will be meetings in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Peabody to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

Busted

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist whose breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately it distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached the organist and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size. She warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they would make her mouth pucker up, and she wouldn't be able to talk properly for a while. The organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the priest walked up to the pulpit and said..."Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday."

Hearing Angels Sing

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church. When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice. "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?" "Why reverend," the young thing replied. All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts." "Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!" "Of course not reverend," she said. "Your not plugged in yet."