Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher.
Teacher: "Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?"
Johnny: "I'm sorry Miss, but my Grandpa got burnt yesterday."
Teacher: "Was he burned very bad?"
Johnny: "Yes Mam, they don't fuck around at these crematoriums you know."
Little Johnny Numbers
A teacher asks little Johnny if he knows how to count from 1 to 10 well. "Yes! Of course! My pop taught me, even more than 10!" "Good. What comes after three?" "Four." "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. Now, what comes after, let's say 10?" "A Jack."
I Like Your Thinking
One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
Little LeBron and Dictation
Little LeBron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use 'dictate' in a sentence. He things for a minute and says, "Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"
"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down."