Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman

Things Not To Say On Your Anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Sex With The Pig

A farmer walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep under his arm. He walks over to his wife, who's laying in bed. "See!" he yells, "this is the pig I have to have sex with whenever you get one of your headaches!" The wife says, "You know that's a sheep under your arm, don't you?" The farmer says, "I wasn't talking to you."

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Rear Access

I was fucking my secretary up the arse when my wife walked in.
She said, "You can't do this to me!"
I said, "I know... that's why I'm doing it to her.

Submitted BY: crazy_woo
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